AND It is interesting that a person uses lies about 80 thousand times in his life. To a greater or lesser extent, everyone lies: friends, relatives, and you yourself. How to bring a deceiver to the surface - this question torments millions of people.
As a rule, telling a lie is more difficult, and this becomes the reason for the unusual behavior of the liar. The main catch is that body language is very difficult to fake.
You need to be a real master to be able to adjust facial expressions and gestures to deceitful words.
A person who wants to control their gestures looks ridiculous, because there is a certain inconsistency between words and actions. Therefore, if you want to catch your relative or friend in a lie, watch his behavior carefully. Note that gestures alone will not be enough to draw a conclusion about deception. Also listen to what the person is saying.
The eyes cannot lie.
At that moment, when a person is lying, he cannot look directly into the eyes of the person with whom he is talking. As a rule, the liar lowers his eyes to the floor. In addition, the cheater can be identified by blinking. Researchers at the University of Portsmouth have found that blinks rarely when you lie. But after the accomplishment of the fact of a lie, the person starts to blink actively.
Reference:
The University of Portsmouth has its roots in 1870. The university is located in Portsmouth, on the south coast of Great Britain, 1.5 hours from London, between Brighton and Bournemouth.
The undergraduate program offers 38 business specialties for study. Among them are both well-known (Accounting, Business Administration, Economics, European Business, Marketing, International Business Studies, Law, Hospitality Management) and combinations of specialties that are unusual for most traditional universities (eBusiness, Law and Criminology, Law with Accounting, Business Economics with Business Law, Human Resource Management with Psychology).
In the master's program at a business school, you can also get more than 30 specialties, including those that are in great demand in the modern world.
The speaker subconsciously wants to protect himself from his lies: to close his mouth, ears, eyes. Thus, repeated touching the listed parts of the body should raise your suspicions. Touches to the nose indicate that the interlocutor himself is not sure of what he is saying.
The voice of the deceiver acquires high tones, as for the rate of speech, it will be somewhat slowed down or, on the contrary, accelerated.
From overexertion, people who lie can twitch the small muscles of the face, such as the eyebrows or eyelids.
Language of the body
Look carefully at the position in which the person is sitting. If he cannot determine the position and cannot sit comfortably, this indicates that the current situation is uncomfortable for the person.
Dodging
As a rule, a liar wants to evade direct answers and explanations of certain facts, justifying this with a lack of information. Usually, a person who wants to deceive persistently focuses on the honesty of his statement, uttering phrases such as "in all honesty", etc.
The deceivers try not to give direct answers, so you will not get any specifics by asking them a question. They say abstract things, conveying a minimum of information in a detailed answer. The liar will try to change the topic of conversation in every way.
Researchers argue that more often people lie when talking on the phone, because it is much easier that way. Thus, if the person in every possible way dodges meetings with you, choosing social networks for meetings or calling on the phone, be careful.
Lie detector method
You can bring a person to clean water by asking him tricky questions:
- questions should be asked to which definite yes or no answers can be given. Use this method as many times as necessary, because the deceivers do not want to answer directly. Show the person that you have doubts about their honesty. Most likely, the liar will become nervous and exacerbate the above signs of lying. intervene several times in the interlocutor's monologue, without giving him the opportunity to complete his false story and "knocking out" the ground from under his feet.
Do your best so that the person does not feel constrained with you, endear him so that he does not have the desire to lie to you.
What to do if a loved one is cheating, because each person subconsciously believes the interlocutor and expects honest and open information from him. Unfortunately, you have to meet with deception all the time, hear lies from colleagues, unfamiliar people in everyday situations, children and loved ones.
Lies of loved ones
The most painful thing is when the closest person, husband or wife, who has unlimited trust, begins to lie. This can even be regarded by a partner as a betrayal.
There are many reasons for lying. Children begin to cheat at about the age of three. Natural curiosity and developed imagination pushes them to deception, they wonder if adults will believe in their invention. Or fear of punishment for a misdemeanor, which from the point of view of an adult is not at all terrible, but not in the eyes of the child himself.
As a rule, in prosperous families, children go through this period rather painlessly, feeling the trust and support of their parents. But if there is constant pressure on the child, excessive control, sooner or later, growing up, the child begins to deceive more and more often, deriving from this already his own benefit, winning at least a little freedom for his personality.
Adults also use deception frequently and for a variety of reasons. Here are the main ones:
- Taking advantage. By inventing or embellishing a story, a person gets the opportunity to receive certain benefits for himself, be it sympathy, material benefits, indulgences. Lying in order to obtain material benefits is inherent in some nationalities, has national characteristics, is reflected in oral folk art - sayings, proverbs, fairy tales, anecdotes.
- Fear. Fear of punishment, avoiding responsibility for what you have done. Also, this can include the fear of the interlocutor's emotional reaction to what is told, the so-called "lie to save". The desire to attract attention, the position of the victim. Fictional stories are used with the aim of becoming the center of attention in society or gaining sympathy.
- Lying as a bad habit. Receiving personal benefits from the use of deception, a person increasingly begins to use it, because this is the easiest way to obtain benefits. As a result, a habit is formed, a person already ceases to notice his lies and believes in his own inventions, sometimes without even remembering to whom and what he said.
Lying as a mental disorder
Deception of a loved one hurts the most. It is not so difficult to recognize this, sooner or later everything will come out in the form of non-docking in stories, changes in behavior, the appearance of uncharacteristic gestures and facial expressions.
It is important to understand why a husband or wife begins to lie. It's about little things lying. Maybe it's just a neurosis, a fear of making a mistake, of becoming uninteresting to a partner. In any case, first of all, this indicates a lack of trust and openness in relationships.
In this case, it is enough just to try not to notice deceptions, not to try to catch and not reproach. It is necessary to give your partner time to relax, so that he can gain confidence in himself, his significance. Patience, kind, respectful attitude will help. Or directly calmly discuss the problem, assure you of your location, make it clear how important trust is.
But if on the part of the partner, in addition to lies, there is constant reticence, avoidance of conversations, unwillingness to discuss problems, it is worth considering. Moreover, if such behavior is not typical for a spouse, it arose relatively recently.
Of course, you shouldn't start spying or create scandals by catching them in a lie. It will be much more useful to analyze the life situation that has developed at a given time in the family and at work. Perhaps the partner thus experiences some troubles occurring at work, emotionally cannot cope with them, but at the same time wants to protect loved ones from their problems.
Much worse if it happened. At the same time, men and women go through this situation in completely different ways. A man who has cheated and feels guilty can begin to show his wife heightened signs of attention, give gifts, and help in every possible way with the housework. Or, with a reverse reaction, it becomes aggressive, irritable, clings to small things to the household.
For a woman, as a more emotional being, behavior changes dramatically. There is a cooling towards the spouse emotionally and physically, while she begins to more carefully monitor her appearance, spends more time outside the home.
Recognizing cheating is actually not difficult, just like lying. In fact, cheating is just a form of deception. Usually this reason for many couples is a clear reason for separation. But do not rush to make a decision, you need to try to talk with your partner and understand yourself in order to understand whether it is possible to forgive and live happily on.
It is difficult to live with a person who is cheating. And no psychologist will give ready-made solutions for a way out of such a situation. In each case, the decision is made by the spouses themselves, it all depends on the strength of feelings, the desire to be together and the ability to overcome difficulties.
Goodbye to everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.“Tell the truth and be honest!” - all parents instill in their children. If we analyze the surrounding situation, then we will understand that almost everyone around is lying.
The habit of cheating is formed at an early age under the influence of psychological, social, and individual factors. The fear of punishment, exposure contributes to the formation of prerequisites for deception, accumulating our fears, forming a protective shell for us from loved ones.
Concept, functions, types of lies
Lying is a form of falsehood, which allows us to perceive surrounding objects, events from a favorable side for us, as well as transmit distorted information to people around us.
The main functions of fake are:
- Protection of their material interests. If a lie allows you to protect your financial condition, then it helps to increase it. That is why many men make a "stash" from their wives. Usually women are not against such "stash". After all, they think that their husbands are saving them for a gift. This is how the illusion of deception is formed;
- Aggression or manipulation. Demonstration of the threat allows you to break the victim;
Silence and distortion are the main types of lies
Default represents deliberate concealment or withholding information... Whenever children are afraid of punishment, they hide the diary to hide the deuce they have earned. Silence is the most popular type of deception.
Distortion- hiding the truth and knowingly providing incorrect information instead. This type of falsehood has many varieties: half-truths, bringing to the point of absurdity, quirks.
It should be remembered that truth is a complex concept that reflects not only explicit reality, own accumulated experience, which is completely different for all people. Therefore, the interpretation of information can be multifaceted.
What makes us deceive our loved ones?
Often we have to lie to our loved ones for the following reasons:
- Creating the perfect look.
The partner constantly restrains himself, controls himself in order to maintain his original image in the eyes of the partner. Many people think that if they reveal their true "face", they will remain lonely and misunderstood. Life "on loan" leads to constant stress, inner experiences, a decrease in self-esteem, the development of numerous complexes. - Constraint of their actions, thoughts.
People try to hide facts from a past life, real hobbies that loved ones may not accept because of their convictions, moral character. For example, children are afraid to admit that they do not like doing the business that the adults have chosen for them. It is often found in the dynasties of athletes, doctors, musicians. - Lack of trust.
Total distrust can be the cause of one's own lies, hidden deception revealed earlier, suspicions of commercialism or other intentions. - Habit- this is the most commonplace option, laid down from childhood.
A child at an early age tries to choose the simplest option, which usually leads to irreversible consequences in adulthood. At first, the daughter is lying that she went to a bachelorette party with a sleepover, and she herself goes on a date with a guy that her parents don't like. Then, she grows up, begins to lie to her husband that she is in a traffic jam, although she went shopping herself. Often people themselves do not understand why they lied. As a result, falsehood leads to a lot of problems if your secret is revealed. - Influence of external factors.
Each social circle has its own specific habits. The absence of a mistress can be perceived as failure. Therefore, men begin to cheat on their wives in order to be accepted in a privileged circle. Recently, the tendencies to cheating do not shock anyone and are perceived as commonplace. Although, it might be much easier to find someone who doesn't want to constantly change and lie? - Lie to the rescue, echoes point 4.
People, in order not to spend a lot of time on explanations, simply begin to shield themselves. In this case, deception is a kind of deferral of time that should be used to legalize what needs to be hidden. - Honesty policy.
Since 2005, when the new Housing Code came into force, evictions have literally become commonplace. At the same time, there are categories of citizens who cannot be evicted by law. However, dishonest relatives find ways to write them out. Lawyer, head of the legal center Oleg Sukhov told Real Estate Mail.Ru about what life users should be afraid of.
Removal from registration and refusal to sell an apartment
The jurisprudence knows many precedents when people are discharged from the apartments of relatives who have a life-long right to housing. Here's a classic trick. The family member is promised substantial compensation for checking out before the sale of the apartment. It is almost impossible to sell housing with registered users, so the owners promise the latter tidy sums of several million rubles for deregistration, but they intend to give the money only after the property is sold. As soon as the tenant is discharged, and accordingly loses his life right to square meters, the owner refuses to sell. As a result, it can be extremely difficult to restore a registration, since it is almost impossible to prove a fraud. And the law does not allow forcing the owner to sell the house and pay what was promised.
Exchange for another room
People who refused to privatize, rent recipients, heirs by will, spouses of the owner who bought an apartment during marriage, persons who have reached the age of majority and returned from orphanages and care centers - these and some other categories of citizens have a life-long right to housing, in which they are registered ... And according to the law, no one and never under any circumstances can violate their unshakable right to housing. Nobody but themselves. This is often used by greedy relatives who want to take possession of real estate, scammers or new owners who previously bought an apartment with an encumbrance in the form of tenants registered there.
To terminate the status of lifelong use, it is enough to rewrite the person to another apartment, promising or paying him a small amount. In the new housing, he will no longer have a life right to square meters, and at any time he can be evicted from there.
“In one of the recent trials, a dispute was considered in which the owner of the apartment discharged from it a tenant who had been registered six months before the trial,” said Oleg Sukhov. - The court found that the evicted person did not transfer the life right to the new premises that he had in the previous apartment. As a result, a small compensation from the previous owner in the amount of only one hundred thousand rubles, paid for moving from one home to another, brought the victim to the street. "
Fictitious sale of real estate
The scheme of fictitious sale of real estate to friends or relatives is often used with the subsequent eviction of the resident and the reverse re-registration of the premises to the original owner.
In the Moscow region alone, several hundred eviction cases are handled every year, in which buyers evict former family members of real estate sellers. And all such cases are not decided in favor of the evicted.
Pick up an apartment through the court
If a person does not live in a municipal apartment for at least one year, this is already a legal basis for the termination of the right to use the premises and for termination of registration. This is evidenced by Article 83 of the Housing Code, but few people know about it, and such ignorance of many led to the eviction, the lawyer said.
Registered people do not live in every fifth municipal apartment. The reasons are different: scandals in the family, temporary departure to another city, lack of footage for normal coexistence, the desire to rent an apartment and live separately. But all this can become a reason for the eviction of a temporarily retired person, it is enough to go to court and prove the fact of the departure of relatives.
“As an example, I can cite the recent judicial precedent, when, after divorce, the husband kicked out his ex-wife and child from the house, and four years later went to court and proved that they did not live in the apartment,” said Sukhov. "The court terminated their right to housing, and the enterprising spouse privatized the property, after which he registered a new family for himself."
Question to the psychologist:
Hello! 3.5 years ago, my son married a young (then she was 22 years old) woman with a child of 4 years old - a citizen of Moldova - got married, a year later a common daughter was born - relations in the family were excellent, my daughter-in-law never argued with me, with everything agreed ... The only drawback for me was that she was constantly "sitting" on the phone ... A month ago, a stranger called my son and said that he had been sleeping with his wife for 3 months, but Masha (so to call her daughter-in-law) deceived him - said that she was not married, and he had a principle - to date only free women ... Showdowns began between her son and daughter-in-law, the son got into her social network and it turned out that she had been living a double life all this time - there were constant contacts with men on to the side (she told this to her friends with such savoring details ...), in her correspondence there was a solid mat - although in life neither my husband, nor her son heard these words from her ... I scolded my husband and son with the last words. .. I came up with a beautiful legend, based on my husband and I Know, with the education of 9th grade, I "made" myself a school psychologist ... After everything that happened, the son filed for divorce - she wrote a notarial consent ... She is going to go with the girls to Moldova to my mother ... But her behavior amazes me - no feeling of guilt , is still trying to convince me that all her relatives and friends do not see anything bad in her actions ....! For me, there should be some kind of logic in all actions - but here it destroyed everything, especially the well-established life of girls, for what - it's not clear ??? And also - she was carried away by Mikhail Lobkovsky, however, she "pulled" phrases from him that justify her behavior ... I have a question - how should I react to this situation? How to treat her? To be honest, I feel sorry for her, but the lack of guilt on her part is annoying ...
The question is answered by psychologist Margarita Volfovna Semikozova.
Hello, Natalia! How can you relate to a liar?
It is difficult to say what prompted her to cheat. Maybe she initially did not love your son, but just wanted to use him to improve her life, coming from Moldova.
There is a lack of respect for the husband, hypocrisy, lies, unwillingness to build relationships with the husband's parents, opportunism. All these qualities in me personally do not cause any respect, much less pity.
But she is still your granddaughter's mom. And this is forever.
This is how you treat your granddaughter's unreasonable mother.
The question is why the son could not see this internal rot, what did he buy into by choosing such a woman as his wife?
How can you relate here? Accept it as a fact.
What else can you do? The son made a conclusion and wants a divorce. It is a pity that the family is falling apart, whose members had every opportunity to become happy. Will your granddaughter leave with her mother?
Of course it's a pity, and the son is suffering. But the daughter-in-law did it all with her own hands. Therefore, this is the result. You don't need to feel sorry for her. And it is useless to expect repentance from her, an explanation of her behavior. There, apparently, there is nothing to repent of, there is no such body. Probably, it's already in the blood.
I hope the situation will serve as a lesson to her, she loses a lot. Or maybe not, she will be like a jumping dragonfly until her youth, beauty and sexuality jumps. It also happens.
You need to think about girls. This is the hardest part of all. And mom is so peculiar, and can lose the presence of dad. What can you say here? One can only wish more brains for the young.